Everything Happens for a Reason / Todo pasa por algo
August 15th 2025
"Todo pasa por algo". En este dicho confunden la causa con el propósito. Todo pasa por algo, si. Pero ese "algo" no es la magia. Ese "algo" bien puede ser simplemente porque tú la cagaste. Pero la causa no importa, porque la causa ya pasó. Lo que importa ya es el propósito. Todo pasa para algo. Y ese algo es lo que cuenta.
"Everything Happens for a reason." In this popular saying people confuse cause and purpose. Everything happens for a reason, yes. But this reason is not magical . This "reason" is because you fucked something up. (Or luck happened, but often it's because you fucked up.) But the reason is not important, because it's in the past. What's important is the purpose. Everything happens for a purpose. And that's what counts.
Jan 1. 2025
I used to have an online dating profile where I stated my religious views as Buddhist, Catholic, Christian, Hindu, Spiritual, and Other. I often got asked how I can be a member of all these faiths traditions at the same time.
Buddhism is not a faith tradition. It's a non-theistic maintenance manual for the human condition. I discovered Buddhism for myself through a book called Refuge Recovery, a Buddhist Path to Recovering from Addiction. And so I am a Buddhist because I follow a Buddhist path. What does it mean to follow a Buddhist path? #6 in the Buddhist Eightfold Path is "Right Effort." This is the most important for me, . What Right Effort means to me is that nobody is going to solve our problems for us, including the problems of inner mood and inner worries. Activities like exercise, yoga, meditation, organizing and maintaining our spaces, grooming, paying our bills, etc. all require effort, and performing that effort, combined with a life consistent with the other seven spokes of the wheel, will lead to a release from suffering. There is no escape from the grind. We must accept that as long as we are alive we must be constantly swimming upstream, fighting entropy and decay, and that it's not automatic, but takes effort. Because we have been given free will, we have to choose to make the effort to live well.
I am a Catholic because I was born into a Catholic family. My grandmother was born and baptized in Wadowice, Poland, the same birthplace of Pope John Paul II. My parents graduated from St. Mary's College and the University of Notre Dame, and were married on campus in the Basilica of the Sacred Heart. I went to a Catholic grade school and then a Jesuit high school. I loved it and I felt at home. The saints were my heroes. The Kennedys were my heroes. The crusaders were my heroes. The conquistadors were my heroes. I still appreciate it and I can even feel a little defensive whenever the Faith and Church are criticized. The uplifting art, architecture, and music, and sense of community were just as important to me as the religious teachings.
But even as a child I mumbled through the Nicene Creed and eventually just kept silent because I was never sure I believed in it. And eventually I found that my confusion and lack of conviction in believing that Jesus Christ is the same as God, combined with Christianity's limited cosmovision in a world full of more diverse experiences and traditions, drove me out of the Church.
I still believe in good and evil and that we are all born with original sin - that we are all sinners, never perfect, and that we can achieve redemption and salvation through faith and good works. I'm not sure how healthy or correct those beliefs are. They have caused me a lot of torment.
But the most fundamental element of Catholicism is the Gospel, which contains the teachings of Jesus. And I am a Christian because I believe in the teachings of Jesus, and in Christian values. I believe in radical love, radical generosity, and radical forgiveness, I believe in the power of faith. I believe that the true meaning of Justice is treating your neighbor as you would yourself.
I believe that God is everywhere and in all things. I believe in reincarnation and I practice yoga.
I believe that there is a spirit world, and that this world is a shadow of that world.
I believe in the beauty of nature, and the sacredness of natural spaces. I believe the presence of our benevolent Creator can be found in those spaces and that when we abuse nature we are not only committing a moral crime, a crime against our creator, but that we are also causing injury to ourselves, because we are part of nature.
Green Flags:
Has a career, vocation, or going to school.
Believes in something
Healthy and fit
Has both outdoorsy photo and a dressed-up pretty photo.
Some, but not too much, spiritual maturity.
Is looking for someone emotionally stable.
Is looking for someone with ambition.
Is actually looking for a boyfriend/spouse/partner.
Likes to cook
Doesn't mention any TV shows or pop culture.
Red Flags:
"Princess treatment" for me = I'm tired of you before we even met.
Seeks "masculine energy" for me = 1. Doesn't know anything about men. 2. It's kind of like negging.
Won't date short men = Rude, closed minded, more interested in image over chemistry.
Mentions therapy. That's nice that you go therapy. I don't need to know about it on your dating profile. Oh wait, you want me to go to therapy? So you want to "fix" me and you don't even know me yet? Maybe you should ask your therapist about that, for $150/hr. (I have since learned that sometimes this just means that a woman doesn't want to be our therapist or deal with someone who is hung up on their ex. In that context this is a totally innocent and healthy comment.)
Psychologist or someone who studies psychology. - See above. I went on a date with a woman who was hell bent on discovering something that went wrong in my childhood that I needed to resolve. Not because I was giving off that vibe, but because it was like her hobby to needle around with these topics. I don't need that from a woman I'm dating (also see above). My inner mind is not for your entertainment.
Mentions that she doesn't do 50/50 or that she doesn't date cheap men - Sounds very low class. And I only buy things for women who either don't ask for them or who ask appropriately. If you don't go on coffee dates, just say no. You don't need to advertise how entitled and narcisistic you are. And although I always pay, I have to say my best dates and best relationships have been with women who offered to split the check or buy the next one.
Cats, vegan, 420, or anything else that is totally fine but which makes us a bad match.
Polyamory
Party girl
Mentions being to 57 different countries (and counting!) Sorry no, I can't keep up.
Mentions either being liberal or conservative. (USA). Read my page about politics to see why.
Someone who has too many red flags or who chooses to focus on negativity first.
Dating, like many things in life, is a lot like surfing. You prepare by staying emotionally and physically fit.. You fight through resistance to put yourself out there. And then the waves come. You can't go chase after every wave. The wave must be right. The timing must be right. You have to pay attention. And when you miss one, or maybe someone else steals it, you wait for the next one. When it comes you don't hesitate. You take it and be present. Sometimes it's not what you thought it was, and the wave dissipates. But you learn to recognize the signs of what's real and what's not.
If you fall, you might have to struggle to get back to the line-up. And the bigger and more intense the wave, if you fall the more you might feel like you're drowning. But you are stronger than you think, and the less you panic the easier it is to get back to the surface.
It may seem like a lot, but life is not (just) a spectator sport. And it's not a video game. It's an unrepeatable moment.
Unlike surfing, we're not out there trying to catch relationship after relationship. We're looking for the ride that takes us home. Or maybe I'm wrong. Who knows how many lives we have lived?
Las citas, como muchas cosas en la vida, son parecidos al surf. Te preparas manteniéndote emocional y físicamente en forma. Luchas contra la resistencia para arriesgarte. Y entonces llegan las olas. No puedes ir tras cada una. La ola debe ser la adecuada, la tuya. El momento debe ser el adecuado. Tienes que prestar atención. Y cuando fallas una, o quizás alguien te la roba, esperas la siguiente. Cuando llega, no lo dudas. La aprovechas y estás presente pero sin miedo al éxito, o si no te resbalas como tonto. A veces no es lo que pensabas y la ola se disipa. Pero aprendes a reconocer las señales de lo que es real y lo que no.
Si te caes, puede que tengas que luchar para volver a la fila de alineacion. Y cuanto más grande e intensa sea la ola, si te caes, más puedes sentir que te ahogas. Pero eres más fuerte de lo que crees, y cuanto menos pánico tengas, más fácil será volver a la superficie.
Puede parecer mucho, pero la vida no es (solo) un deporte para espectadores. Y no es un videojuego. Es un momento irrepetible.
A diferencia del surf, no andamos buscando una relación tras otra. Buscamos el viaje que nos lleve a casa. O quizás me equivoque. ¿Quién sabe cuántas vidas hemos vivido?